It is Saturday, June 26th, and I hope everyone is having a good weekend and managing to stay cool in this heat. I am at my townhouse for the day. I worked third shift last night and came here this morning at 7:30. The area around my front door was in desperate need of some attention, as well as my patio. By 9:00, I had gotten down cobwebs, pulled grass, picked up cigarette butts, and cleaned the glass in my stormdoor before it got too hot to touch. After changing three lightbulbs, sweeping, and raking, I was in bed by 10:00. Now it's scorching outside and I'm eating oodles of noodles right out of the pot and catching up some emails. It's been just over two weeks since my third chemo treatment and the effects are wearing off some. Right now, it's just the fatigue that I battle; so I try to do things outside real early or real late.
I suspect that my neutrophils are continuing to drop. I have a fever blister in the corner of my mouth and a sore in my nose. I usually get fever blisters after being in the sun too long or after being really sick (when my immune system seems to be working overtime). Luckily, I already have prescriptions for both, so I started medicating immediately. Both seem to be responding very well.
I've noticed that my eyebrows and eyelashes have thinned a lot. Not too happy about this, but by now I've learned to pick my battles. At least I'm able to work, able to eat, and not battling a mouth full of ulcers. So.........I try to keep things in perspective. Plus, when I really start feeling sorry for myself, I look around and see so many people whose burdens are much heavier than mine. I still get down some days, but I try not to dwell on things.
I went to the Lymphedema clinic last Monday. This was the appointment that was made when my arm started swelling. The swelling is called lymphedema due to the loss of lymph nodes and vessels removed during surgery. Multiple measurements were taken of both arms. Some matched, but the right arm was 1/2 an inch bigger in one place and one inch bigger in another. It's just enough to notice if you put them next to each other, and has not gotten any worse since the ultrasound. To sum up the visit, I was measured for a compression bra (kinda like a real nice sports bra) and a compression sleeve. The bra is supposed to compress the areas that are retaining fluid and try to smooth the areas out some. The sleeve is supposed to try and prevent my arm from getting any worse. Not too happy about having to wear these either. In fact this visit triggered a pretty big pity party on the way home. But, again, perspective. At least these can be worn under my clothes. I don't really feel like I need them right now, but I have to realize that radiation can make this condition a lot worse. I have come to realize that this is not something you get over, but I will probably live with the effects of this the rest of my life.......
I thought that I would have the mastectomy, take the chemo, have the radiation, and be done with it. I knew that I wouldn't feel good for several months, but that when it was all over, my hair would grow back and I would be a stronger person for going thru it. I didn't mourn losing part of my body. It's not hard to give up something that contains three cancerous tumors. But I was not aware of the effects that they don't like to discuss with you ahead of time. I didn't know that parts of my arm would be numb, or that I would remain sore from my sternum all the way across my shoulder blade, that the muscles in my arm would refuse to stretch but so far, or that a mosquito bite on my arm could trigger a life-threatening infection. They don't discuss these things with you ahead of time. I guess that's understandable though. Dealing with the diagnosis and the impending surgery is enough. They give it to you in small, carefully measured steps.....
So, for those of you who have been telling me how strong you think I am, or how positive I'm being...........I'm just as human as the next person. I have my limits as to how "chipper" I can be too. I guess it's about time some of it started sinking in though. It's been kind of a whirlwind, and now that the dust is settling, I guess I've had a dose of reality. But make no mistake about it......I might not be too sure of what my future holds, but I have always known Who holds my future. Yes, getting cancer at the age of 41 was a very big blow, but I serve a very big God. He knew I could handle this or He wouldn't have allowed it. Allowed being the key word. He didn't give me cancer. He just allowed it to happen. Obviously, He knew I could handle it or He wouldn't have allowed it, so I'm not going to disappoint Him by wallowing in selfpity. So there.......I've sat right here and given myself a pep talk.
Hope it worked for you too..........
Love,
Cindy
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Geez.........it's hot......
Hello everybody. I hope this finds you all doing well. If you're like me, you're just trying to stay out of this heat. I have found that heat and humidity do not agree with chemo. I have learned to crank my jeep ahead of time, to not let myself get dehydrated, and I'm staying indoors pretty much all of the time now. Unless it's early in the morning or late in the evening, I try not to "surface".
This is the first time that I've been to my house in about ten days. Needless to say, I have lots of mail to go thru, emails to answer, etc. I'm going to try and make this a short entry due to having worked today, still having to drive to Bear Grass from here, and having to get up early tomorrow morning again.
My third chemo treatment went extremely well. In fact, I would have to say that it was the best treatment thus far. Imagine that....... This was the first time that my treatment fell on my weekend to work. By the time the fatigue kicked in on Monday, I was already tired and sleep deprived. My sister drove me to Greenville on Monday to get my shot, and by the time I got home, I was already starting to feel the effects of the chemo. I don't know if it was due to having worked third shift the previous weekend, or just the cumulative effects of it, but I was actually weak Monday night. My sister spent the night on the couch in case I got sick during the night; that way, Mama and Daddy could still get a good night's rest. I slept good though, and the following day I was feeling stronger. In the past, I have refrained from eating when the chemo takes my appetite. Sometimes it's all I can do to make myself eat, but I realized that, as long as I'm not nauseated, I need to eat to keep my strength up. So far, with the second and third treatments, I experienced extreme fatigue starting the Monday after chemo and started feeling better by Wednesday. This last time, I haven't felt bad since Wednesday. I still use common sense though. I try not to overdo it when I do feel good.
I went to the Lymphedema Clinic yesterday, but I'll try and summarize that info in another update maybe tomorrow or the next day. I need to get home and eat some supper. Plus my cousin Betty Margaret is there. She's like the common cold..............there's no cure for it....
(Just kidding, Cousin. You know you're my favorite!)
I just realized that I called Mama and Daddy's place "home". Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Actually, I haven't missed this place at all. Who would when you have half a hundred aunts, uncles, and cousins doting on you?? : )
A big shout out to my Aunt Barbara for the much appreciated carrot cake. No one, and I do mean no one, makes them like you!
Love,
Cindy
This is the first time that I've been to my house in about ten days. Needless to say, I have lots of mail to go thru, emails to answer, etc. I'm going to try and make this a short entry due to having worked today, still having to drive to Bear Grass from here, and having to get up early tomorrow morning again.
My third chemo treatment went extremely well. In fact, I would have to say that it was the best treatment thus far. Imagine that....... This was the first time that my treatment fell on my weekend to work. By the time the fatigue kicked in on Monday, I was already tired and sleep deprived. My sister drove me to Greenville on Monday to get my shot, and by the time I got home, I was already starting to feel the effects of the chemo. I don't know if it was due to having worked third shift the previous weekend, or just the cumulative effects of it, but I was actually weak Monday night. My sister spent the night on the couch in case I got sick during the night; that way, Mama and Daddy could still get a good night's rest. I slept good though, and the following day I was feeling stronger. In the past, I have refrained from eating when the chemo takes my appetite. Sometimes it's all I can do to make myself eat, but I realized that, as long as I'm not nauseated, I need to eat to keep my strength up. So far, with the second and third treatments, I experienced extreme fatigue starting the Monday after chemo and started feeling better by Wednesday. This last time, I haven't felt bad since Wednesday. I still use common sense though. I try not to overdo it when I do feel good.
I went to the Lymphedema Clinic yesterday, but I'll try and summarize that info in another update maybe tomorrow or the next day. I need to get home and eat some supper. Plus my cousin Betty Margaret is there. She's like the common cold..............there's no cure for it....
(Just kidding, Cousin. You know you're my favorite!)
I just realized that I called Mama and Daddy's place "home". Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Actually, I haven't missed this place at all. Who would when you have half a hundred aunts, uncles, and cousins doting on you?? : )
A big shout out to my Aunt Barbara for the much appreciated carrot cake. No one, and I do mean no one, makes them like you!
Love,
Cindy
Saturday, June 12, 2010
3 down, 3 to go!!!
Good morning! It's Saturday morning, June 12th. I worked last night and have not been to bed yet. Mama and Daddy are going out of town for the day, so I decided to come over here and get some things done. I've cleaned up a little bit around my front door before it got too hot, and now I'm catching up on the computer. Kinda nice to be here without having to be somewhere else by a certain time, or having someone waiting for me.
I had my third chemo treatment yesterday. I had an 0845 appointment this time instead of 0945. I did this to make sure I could make it to the K&W before they closed! Everything moved along a little quicker this time, and I was done by 1pm. Got a migraine as I was walking out of the building, but didn't let that keep me from my countrystyle steak! When we got home, Mama and I each got in a recliner and started snoring. When I woke up, the headache was gone. This was wasn't bad at all.
So..........three treatments down, three to go. If I stay on schedule, my last treatment should be August 13th. Please pray that I can stay on schedule. In order to receive my treatments, my hemoglobin has to be 9, and yesterday it was 11.6. My neutrophils have to be at least 1.5, and they were 1.8. My platelets drop after treatment, but by the next treatment, they have recovered, so they haven't been a problem. However, yesterday, Dr. White told me that I had become anemic. My white blood cells, red blood cells, hemoglobin, and hematocrit are all below normal. This is making me feel really tired. She suggested that I start taking a multivitamin with extra iron in it. I prefer not to do this unless I have to. If you know anything about iron, you know that it doesn't have pleasant gi effects. I would prefer to try and eat more iron rich foods and see what it is next time without having to change vitamins.
Other than that, my second treatment didn't serve me too bad. My scalp isn't so sore anymore, and most of my hair has fallen out now. Still haven't worn my wig, but I guess I need to. I have to wear it around the house some so that it will mold to the shape of my head. Then I have to go get it cut a little more and styled. Honestly, I'm very comfortable in my baseball caps, but I would like to start going to church again, and naturally I wouldn't want to wear a baseball cap there. I'm starting to get a tan now. I'm riding the golfcart several times a day (spying on that muskrat!), and I get Mama to spray me down with sunscreen before I go. I've actually been working in the yard some during the mornings before it gets too hot. I've been able to water the flowers some to help Mama out; and I try to keep the limbs and pinecones picked up so Daddy can cut the grass. This makes me feel more like I'm earning my keep. Plus I get some fresh air, sunshine, and exercise.
Thanks to Ms. Alice Harris for the sweet potato cake this week, and to Mrs. Margaret Rawls for the brownies. I tell ya, I'm faring mighty bad in Bear Grass. I told Mama I was going to have to stop riding the golfcart and walk beside it while she drives!
Thank you so much for being so good to me and my family. I was reading a book this week entitled Chicken Soup for the Soul. This one was actually for breast cancer patients. There was a statement in there from someone whose name I didn't recognize. This person said, "An individual does not get cancer, a family does." This is so true. My whole family has been devastated by this in more ways than you can imagine. Please continue to lift them up in prayer as well. When you do something for them, it blesses me as well, for I worry about them less. I understand we have a small band of cousins coming the weekend of the 4th to help put up the corn. This takes a load off of my mind. I worry about my daddy being out in this heat so much. And anybody that puts up corn knows, when the corn's ready, everything else gets put on the back burner until it's done. My next treatment is scheduled for Friday, July 2nd, so I don't know how much help I'll be with the corn. I've been accused of planning it that way, but honestly, I didn't. Does it bother me? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........
I have to come back to Greenville Monday to get my Neulasta shot. I might swing by here then and post another update. It'll probably just depend on whether the effects of the chemo have kicked in yet. Thanks for everything ya'll are doing. It means so much to us.
Cindy
I had my third chemo treatment yesterday. I had an 0845 appointment this time instead of 0945. I did this to make sure I could make it to the K&W before they closed! Everything moved along a little quicker this time, and I was done by 1pm. Got a migraine as I was walking out of the building, but didn't let that keep me from my countrystyle steak! When we got home, Mama and I each got in a recliner and started snoring. When I woke up, the headache was gone. This was wasn't bad at all.
So..........three treatments down, three to go. If I stay on schedule, my last treatment should be August 13th. Please pray that I can stay on schedule. In order to receive my treatments, my hemoglobin has to be 9, and yesterday it was 11.6. My neutrophils have to be at least 1.5, and they were 1.8. My platelets drop after treatment, but by the next treatment, they have recovered, so they haven't been a problem. However, yesterday, Dr. White told me that I had become anemic. My white blood cells, red blood cells, hemoglobin, and hematocrit are all below normal. This is making me feel really tired. She suggested that I start taking a multivitamin with extra iron in it. I prefer not to do this unless I have to. If you know anything about iron, you know that it doesn't have pleasant gi effects. I would prefer to try and eat more iron rich foods and see what it is next time without having to change vitamins.
Other than that, my second treatment didn't serve me too bad. My scalp isn't so sore anymore, and most of my hair has fallen out now. Still haven't worn my wig, but I guess I need to. I have to wear it around the house some so that it will mold to the shape of my head. Then I have to go get it cut a little more and styled. Honestly, I'm very comfortable in my baseball caps, but I would like to start going to church again, and naturally I wouldn't want to wear a baseball cap there. I'm starting to get a tan now. I'm riding the golfcart several times a day (spying on that muskrat!), and I get Mama to spray me down with sunscreen before I go. I've actually been working in the yard some during the mornings before it gets too hot. I've been able to water the flowers some to help Mama out; and I try to keep the limbs and pinecones picked up so Daddy can cut the grass. This makes me feel more like I'm earning my keep. Plus I get some fresh air, sunshine, and exercise.
Thanks to Ms. Alice Harris for the sweet potato cake this week, and to Mrs. Margaret Rawls for the brownies. I tell ya, I'm faring mighty bad in Bear Grass. I told Mama I was going to have to stop riding the golfcart and walk beside it while she drives!
Thank you so much for being so good to me and my family. I was reading a book this week entitled Chicken Soup for the Soul. This one was actually for breast cancer patients. There was a statement in there from someone whose name I didn't recognize. This person said, "An individual does not get cancer, a family does." This is so true. My whole family has been devastated by this in more ways than you can imagine. Please continue to lift them up in prayer as well. When you do something for them, it blesses me as well, for I worry about them less. I understand we have a small band of cousins coming the weekend of the 4th to help put up the corn. This takes a load off of my mind. I worry about my daddy being out in this heat so much. And anybody that puts up corn knows, when the corn's ready, everything else gets put on the back burner until it's done. My next treatment is scheduled for Friday, July 2nd, so I don't know how much help I'll be with the corn. I've been accused of planning it that way, but honestly, I didn't. Does it bother me? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........
I have to come back to Greenville Monday to get my Neulasta shot. I might swing by here then and post another update. It'll probably just depend on whether the effects of the chemo have kicked in yet. Thanks for everything ya'll are doing. It means so much to us.
Cindy
Friday, June 4, 2010
I spoke too soon......
It is Friday, June 4th. I've stated, at least twice, that I didn't have another appointment before my next chemo on June 11; and that things were hopefully going to slow down a little now. Looks like I spoke too soon.......
Over the past couple of days, I've been experiencing an increase in the pain and soreness in my right arm. Plus, I've noticed an increase in the amount of fluid around my incision and down my arm. Even my hand is puffy. Nothing major..........just enough to be bothersome. I'm more aware of it when I'm sitting still. I guess the most accurate word to describe it is an aching feeling.
The fluid buildup is called lymphedema, and it is a direct result of 25 lymph nodes being removed from my armpit. It was kinda inevitable, and once it starts, it is incurable. Doctors are not sure why some patients develop this and others don't. We were hoping that, because of my age, that I would be spared of this. But.........
I called my oncologist's office late yesterday afternoon instead of waiting another week 'til my chemo appointment. I received a call about 0845 this morning to go in and let her examine me. I left work and was there a little past nine. She ordered a stat ultrasound of my arm to make sure that the symptoms were not the result of a bloodclot. After waiting an extremely long time to be worked in, I was called back about 1220.
The good news is that I do not have a bloodclot in my arm, and that my circulation is extremely good as far as my circulatory system. Evidently, it's a different story with my lymph vessels. I have been referred to the lymphedema clinic, but the first appointment that was available was June 21st. So, once again, it's hurry up only to have to wait.
But..............I'm extremely grateful that I don't have a bloodclot. The last thing I need while undergoing chemo, (which reduces your blood's ability to clot), is to be receiving bloodthinners. So, I guess that's the silver lining in all of this. I just have this fear of having to wear a compression sleeve on my arm the rest of my life. It may seem trivial considering all I'm going thru, but who wants to wear something like that?? I have to admit that I'm tired and worn down, but everybody feels overwhelmed at some point. I guess today is my day.
But who knows? Maybe the swelling will be minimal and won't require that. Please agree with me in prayer that this will not be a big deal, and the aching and discomfort will resolve. I know God will not give me more than I can handle.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm getting ready to head back to Bear Grass. Rachel has a piano recital tonight at seven. Hope they don't have anything against baseball caps there.............
Have a good weekend,
Cindy
Over the past couple of days, I've been experiencing an increase in the pain and soreness in my right arm. Plus, I've noticed an increase in the amount of fluid around my incision and down my arm. Even my hand is puffy. Nothing major..........just enough to be bothersome. I'm more aware of it when I'm sitting still. I guess the most accurate word to describe it is an aching feeling.
The fluid buildup is called lymphedema, and it is a direct result of 25 lymph nodes being removed from my armpit. It was kinda inevitable, and once it starts, it is incurable. Doctors are not sure why some patients develop this and others don't. We were hoping that, because of my age, that I would be spared of this. But.........
I called my oncologist's office late yesterday afternoon instead of waiting another week 'til my chemo appointment. I received a call about 0845 this morning to go in and let her examine me. I left work and was there a little past nine. She ordered a stat ultrasound of my arm to make sure that the symptoms were not the result of a bloodclot. After waiting an extremely long time to be worked in, I was called back about 1220.
The good news is that I do not have a bloodclot in my arm, and that my circulation is extremely good as far as my circulatory system. Evidently, it's a different story with my lymph vessels. I have been referred to the lymphedema clinic, but the first appointment that was available was June 21st. So, once again, it's hurry up only to have to wait.
But..............I'm extremely grateful that I don't have a bloodclot. The last thing I need while undergoing chemo, (which reduces your blood's ability to clot), is to be receiving bloodthinners. So, I guess that's the silver lining in all of this. I just have this fear of having to wear a compression sleeve on my arm the rest of my life. It may seem trivial considering all I'm going thru, but who wants to wear something like that?? I have to admit that I'm tired and worn down, but everybody feels overwhelmed at some point. I guess today is my day.
But who knows? Maybe the swelling will be minimal and won't require that. Please agree with me in prayer that this will not be a big deal, and the aching and discomfort will resolve. I know God will not give me more than I can handle.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm getting ready to head back to Bear Grass. Rachel has a piano recital tonight at seven. Hope they don't have anything against baseball caps there.............
Have a good weekend,
Cindy
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I had NO idea!
Good morning! It is Tuesday, June 1st, and I am at my townhouse catching up on some stuff. It's been a week since I was here, so I have a lot of mail, emails, etc to go thru. According to my work schedule, I am working today thru Friday from 7a to 4p; but when I arrived at my patient's house this morning, I discovered that I was not supposed to work today. Go figure..........but anyway, it has given me some much needed time to get some things done. Sometimes, while I'm staying at Mama and Daddy's house, I don't stay disciplined like I should with my time. I have the tendency to get on the golfcart and see how many geese I can spot on the duck impoundment, or how many turtles I can spot sunning themselves in the canal; and, of course, there's always the chance that I'll sneak up on that muskrat and see him before he sees me. Then there's that swing on the patio that calls my name every time I walk by it. Not to mention the baby swallows on the front porch that I've been videoing thru the front door.
Staying with my parents has been great. I'm getting lots of fresh air, sunshine and homecooking. Last night, we had grilled bbq'd porkchops, squash casserole, field peas, and fruit salad. Aunt Rose and Uncle Danny came and ate with us too. A big thank you to Aunt Rose for coming to my rescue this weekend with three boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese! Going thru chemo is a lot like being pregnant. You can't eat just anything, and when you think of something good that you can tolerate, you just have to have it! A big thank you to Aunt Barbara as well for making one of her famous carrot cakes this weekend, and making sure that I got a chunk of it to eat.
I just read my last update. I really was not feeling well when I wrote it, and the chemo kicked in within about two hours of writing it. I received my second chemo treatment last Friday, and the nausea started Monday evening. I took Zofran and Phenergan until I knocked myself out. I woke up on the couch about midnight to find my daddy sleeping on the floor beside me in case I needed him. Now how many girls can say they have a daddy who would do that for them?
I slept all day Tuesday, and finally got up around 3pm. That's the first time that I've done that. With the first treatment, I had a lot of gi upset, but this time, it was just complete exhaustion. I've had just a touch of nausea, with a little gi upset now and then. I think I was much better prepared for the side effects this time. I have stopped drinking Mountain Dew, I don't eat greasy or spicy food anymore, and I eat smaller amounts more frequently. There's been a few days that I only eat a few mouthfuls. Believe me though, I make up for that when I start feeling better! Despite that, I've still managed to lose 14 pounds though.
I saw a lot of relatives this weekend that I don't usually get to see. It was so good to spend some time with everybody and catch up a little bit. I was amazed at the number of people who told me that they were reading this blog. I had no idea. I continue to be amazed at the number of people who care enough to want to stay updated about my progress. I have always said, you find out who really cares about you when you're in a storm. And one thing that I have learned..............everybody has their own storm. I am learning to not stay so focused on my own local weather, that I don't realize the storms that are taking place in the lives of others.
Well, that's all for now. I need to pay some bills and get them in the mail this morning. My next chemo treatment is Friday, June 11th. I don't have any other appointments before then. As always, thank you so much for your support. You have blessed me in so many different ways. I am almost caught up writing my thank you notes. If I have forgotten to send you one, please forgive me. Sometimes it's hard to remember everybody, especially after my treatments when I'm not feeling well. Please know I appreciate every gesture that is made on my behalf, and I can never thank you enough. Please continue to pray that God will continue to bless me throughout this ordeal; and please don't forget to pray for my family members as well.
Thank you so very much,
Cindy
Staying with my parents has been great. I'm getting lots of fresh air, sunshine and homecooking. Last night, we had grilled bbq'd porkchops, squash casserole, field peas, and fruit salad. Aunt Rose and Uncle Danny came and ate with us too. A big thank you to Aunt Rose for coming to my rescue this weekend with three boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese! Going thru chemo is a lot like being pregnant. You can't eat just anything, and when you think of something good that you can tolerate, you just have to have it! A big thank you to Aunt Barbara as well for making one of her famous carrot cakes this weekend, and making sure that I got a chunk of it to eat.
I just read my last update. I really was not feeling well when I wrote it, and the chemo kicked in within about two hours of writing it. I received my second chemo treatment last Friday, and the nausea started Monday evening. I took Zofran and Phenergan until I knocked myself out. I woke up on the couch about midnight to find my daddy sleeping on the floor beside me in case I needed him. Now how many girls can say they have a daddy who would do that for them?
I slept all day Tuesday, and finally got up around 3pm. That's the first time that I've done that. With the first treatment, I had a lot of gi upset, but this time, it was just complete exhaustion. I've had just a touch of nausea, with a little gi upset now and then. I think I was much better prepared for the side effects this time. I have stopped drinking Mountain Dew, I don't eat greasy or spicy food anymore, and I eat smaller amounts more frequently. There's been a few days that I only eat a few mouthfuls. Believe me though, I make up for that when I start feeling better! Despite that, I've still managed to lose 14 pounds though.
I saw a lot of relatives this weekend that I don't usually get to see. It was so good to spend some time with everybody and catch up a little bit. I was amazed at the number of people who told me that they were reading this blog. I had no idea. I continue to be amazed at the number of people who care enough to want to stay updated about my progress. I have always said, you find out who really cares about you when you're in a storm. And one thing that I have learned..............everybody has their own storm. I am learning to not stay so focused on my own local weather, that I don't realize the storms that are taking place in the lives of others.
Well, that's all for now. I need to pay some bills and get them in the mail this morning. My next chemo treatment is Friday, June 11th. I don't have any other appointments before then. As always, thank you so much for your support. You have blessed me in so many different ways. I am almost caught up writing my thank you notes. If I have forgotten to send you one, please forgive me. Sometimes it's hard to remember everybody, especially after my treatments when I'm not feeling well. Please know I appreciate every gesture that is made on my behalf, and I can never thank you enough. Please continue to pray that God will continue to bless me throughout this ordeal; and please don't forget to pray for my family members as well.
Thank you so very much,
Cindy
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