Lymphedema Clinic

It is Saturday, June 26th, and I hope everyone is having a good weekend and managing to stay cool in this heat. I am at my townhouse for the day. I worked third shift last night and came here this morning at 7:30. The area around my front door was in desperate need of some attention, as well as my patio. By 9:00, I had gotten down cobwebs, pulled grass, picked up cigarette butts, and cleaned the glass in my stormdoor before it got too hot to touch. After changing three lightbulbs, sweeping, and raking, I was in bed by 10:00. Now it's scorching outside and I'm eating oodles of noodles right out of the pot and catching up some emails. It's been just over two weeks since my third chemo treatment and the effects are wearing off some. Right now, it's just the fatigue that I battle; so I try to do things outside real early or real late.

I suspect that my neutrophils are continuing to drop. I have a fever blister in the corner of my mouth and a sore in my nose. I usually get fever blisters after being in the sun too long or after being really sick (when my immune system seems to be working overtime). Luckily, I already have prescriptions for both, so I started medicating immediately. Both seem to be responding very well.

I've noticed that my eyebrows and eyelashes have thinned a lot. Not too happy about this, but by now I've learned to pick my battles. At least I'm able to work, able to eat, and not battling a mouth full of ulcers. So.........I try to keep things in perspective. Plus, when I really start feeling sorry for myself, I look around and see so many people whose burdens are much heavier than mine. I still get down some days, but I try not to dwell on things.

I went to the Lymphedema clinic last Monday. This was the appointment that was made when my arm started swelling. The swelling is called lymphedema due to the loss of lymph nodes and vessels removed during surgery. Multiple measurements were taken of both arms. Some matched, but the right arm was 1/2 an inch bigger in one place and one inch bigger in another. It's just enough to notice if you put them next to each other, and has not gotten any worse since the ultrasound. To sum up the visit, I was measured for a compression bra (kinda like a real nice sports bra) and a compression sleeve. The bra is supposed to compress the areas that are retaining fluid and try to smooth the areas out some. The sleeve is supposed to try and prevent my arm from getting any worse. Not too happy about having to wear these either. In fact this visit triggered a pretty big pity party on the way home. But, again, perspective. At least these can be worn under my clothes. I don't really feel like I need them right now, but I have to realize that radiation can make this condition a lot worse. I have come to realize that this is not something you get over, but I will probably live with the effects of this the rest of my life.......

I thought that I would have the mastectomy, take the chemo, have the radiation, and be done with it. I knew that I wouldn't feel good for several months, but that when it was all over, my hair would grow back and I would be a stronger person for going thru it. I didn't mourn losing part of my body. It's not hard to give up something that contains three cancerous tumors. But I was not aware of the effects that they don't like to discuss with you ahead of time. I didn't know that parts of my arm would be numb, or that I would remain sore from my sternum all the way across my shoulder blade, that the muscles in my arm would refuse to stretch but so far, or that a mosquito bite on my arm could trigger a life-threatening infection. They don't discuss these things with you ahead of time. I guess that's understandable though. Dealing with the diagnosis and the impending surgery is enough. They give it to you in small, carefully measured steps.....

So, for those of you who have been telling me how strong you think I am, or how positive I'm being...........I'm just as human as the next person. I have my limits as to how "chipper" I can be too. I guess it's about time some of it started sinking in though. It's been kind of a whirlwind, and now that the dust is settling, I guess I've had a dose of reality. But make no mistake about it......I might not be too sure of what my future holds, but I have always known Who holds my future. Yes, getting cancer at the age of 41 was a very big blow, but I serve a very big God. He knew I could handle this or He wouldn't have allowed it. Allowed being the key word. He didn't give me cancer. He just allowed it to happen. Obviously, He knew I could handle it or He wouldn't have allowed it, so I'm not going to disappoint Him by wallowing in selfpity. So there.......I've sat right here and given myself a pep talk.

Hope it worked for you too..........

Love,
Cindy